Sad. Scared. Excited. Happy.

This week I'm leaving one job and starting another. I’m leaving a job that I’ve been at for four and a half years. A job where, although I’m not the happiest, I’m comfortable. I know what to expect. I know at least ten different ways to get from my office to the vending machines. I know where the office supplies are and where the coffee and the plastic forks are, and I know where my friends are when I need them. And I’m leaving that behind. And I’m scared.

I’m going to go to a new place where I can learn new things and thrive and be something great. I can feel accomplishment and self-fulfillment like I haven’t felt in a long time. But I can also feel lost and loneliness and doubt.

I know that this change is an amazing thing for me. It will allow me to be so much more than I am now. I will be among artists and creative folks and in my element. I’m so happy and I feel honored that I was given the opportunity to start fresh and show this new group of people that they won’t be sorry for choosing me. I am so excited. But every now and then I just want to cry.

Walking down the hall to the restroom or to the fax machine, I think - this is my last Monday here. I will never be here as an employee on a Monday ever again. And I feel a little panic. What have I done? And then I mentally slap myself and try to get over it.

The problem is that it feels like I just broke up with the fifty people I work with. I feel like I’ve disappointed them all and that breaks my heart. I don’t want to disappoint anyone, but I really don’t want to disappoint myself. I need to do this. I want to do this. It’s a wonderful, wonderful thing.

Now that I’ve given my notice, everyone is so much more open and honest. There is dialogue where there was only frustrated silence. Opinions have been shared, frustrations addressed, honesty is everywhere. Why did it take my quitting to make it this way? We should have been this way all of the time. It’s like when your hair looks great the day you’re going to get it cut. It makes you wonder if you’re doing the right thing.

But I am doing the right thing. I’m so happy and I’m so excited. I’m off to be awesome and I can’t wait. I’m going to miss you all and I’m going to cry, but I’m so happy. Really.